script language=JavaScript> chronicles of life
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
attachment


so today is the last mrn shift for KK
HURAAY
super duper happy
so i was no longer in the nursery n im out in the cubicles
administer medications, off drip, did dressing n cut knots
did documention of my cuttin knots
so today was generally ok

had my sudden presentaion on neonatal jaundice
so i just said wateva i had
only god noes hows the lectuer gonna grade me
anyway after i did the presentation, she said got senior staff nurse complimented on me.
waa i was so shy la, then just smiled to myself
so its like sumtin to boost my confidence level
anyway since this attahcment worth 14 module credits, i will do wateva it is to get it!
haha.. not becoz i wanna b a stcuk up la.. but 14 points abit too much..
furthurmore, i hav yet to touch the books for revision n i hav a feelin i wont do that well for theory
OH GOD, plz let me do well
my dad is like hopin my GPA is better somehow?

im lookin forward for weekends
gonna go back sch n return the books n i hope tat i can re-borrown them again coz i havent even revise any shit yet
then i wanna go get a black cardigan from BHG
n i think im not gettin a new phone.
just save money n get a better phone
gonna get my medications at the hospital
pay all my bills
if got extra cash, i wanna get bottoms from topshop =)
hmm then save the rest for my tragus piercing as well as some hair products

anyway i wanna scrap off the part in my previous post tat i love ericko?
i don think i do anymore
i realised mayb my relationship wif him was based on puppy love
then u guys noe all those sudden gush of nvr ending love, care n concern.. haha
but wateva the case, im glad i was wif him before n was superly pampered.
so im grateful bout tat
n now i just felt so bad for sayin so much stuffs bout him
n i swear i nvr wanna say it, but the hurt n anger i felt made me do such things
but wateva the case, its over la.. so cant turn back time

I SO WANNA GO SHOPING!!
lets hope suhana is free this sat, then can go walk walk wif her to release stress
next week will b in TTSH for two freakin weeks
oh my god
then i really gotta start plannin my time for revision
n i need to lose some weight
any kind souls hu would like to offer me some reasonable tips?

ok then wanna roll on my bed
toodles

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perspective 9:33 PM

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Monday, July 21, 2008
babies


today was first day at the obs
was in the nursery
as all of u noe, i don favour babies
n wen the lecturer told me to feed the newborn, i was stunned n shocked

the baby was so fragile, no even 24 hrs old yet
then fed the baby successfuly
im so happy
but after tat, i just burst into tears
remembered wat ericko used to tell me back then
that we r gonna hav a gd lookin baby n he will b wif me durin labour
haiz

i cant live in denial anymore
i cant move on being denial
i still love him
i really do

i love u ericko, i still do

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perspective 10:12 PM

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Sunday, July 20, 2008
attachment


so attachment at KK for the first week was ok
was in the gynae ward
almost everyday hav abortions.. sick..
then i off plug n did admissions like mad
hahaha
so ya bumped into the jerk
don wish to mention bout it
its freakin heartbreakin

so very tired from attachment
met up wif sheena, her fren n suhana for some celebration for sheena
i dint stay long
all those drinks n all
so suhana n i left n went to walk around clarke quay
=D
i miss suhana so much
even now
reached home nearly 12
mum dint say anything
surprisingly!! haha

i just miss tat bastard
but i hate him
haha
my emotions r not definite!!

im tired
not sleepy
my legs ache
i wanna lose weight
i wanna pierce my tragus
i wanna look gd
i don wish to hav anymore pimples
i wanna hav nice hair
i wanna hav everythin in the world!!


toodles

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perspective 12:18 AM

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Sunday, July 13, 2008
continuation


ok so just now went out wif my dear mummy
coz i wanted to find a pouch tat i can fit all my stationaries n wont stain my uniform pocket n at the same time look professional =)

n mummy was really sweet to accompany me to the place near our house
but we couldnt get out things
so mummy suggested we walked to bedok interchange
n we did!
but before we start our journey there, mummy treated me to bubble tea
SURPRISINGLY, my mum noes how to drink ice blended n wif pearls!
hahaha

so while walking, told mum all bout attachment n how badly i wan to do well
HAHA
n also mentioned tat i don wish to get marry unless the man is a doctor or someone hu earns big bucks
mummy just agreed wif me all the way

upon reachin bedok interchange, we went from one shop to another in hope to find the pouch
apparently, none of the shop hav it
i was on the verge of givin up, but mummy said lets try NTUC
n there we found something tats similar to the pouch i wanna get
so mummy treated me that pouch
thank u mummy dear!!

after tat, i bought myself small notebooks
mummy got herself ice cream
i don really fancy ice cream now
before, i seem to fancy ice cream, durians n all
but not now anymore
hormonal changes affect such things?
hahaha

so after gettin the stuffs i wanted n wat mummy wanted
we walked back home again!
haha.. healthy la seh
n i wish i got lots of money, so can bring mummy to holidays
i love u kak ram!
even though ur not those kind of mum tat r open minded, i still love u so much
u still noe me the best, somehow? hehe =)

i want to spend more time, goin out wif my mum
goin to treat her swensons
she happy la seh.. can get to eat her fish n chips
n i wanna do well in sch, make her proud abit then can boast abt me to her frens!!
n i wanna look like my mum
she have very nice facial features!! jealous!!


so tmr will b afternoon shift
first day already comin back home late in the nite
hope mr moshien is in good mood n can fetch me home!
=)
rite now, gonna read up on bio. just one topic!

toodles

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perspective 8:39 PM

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hey


so spent my day at my uncle place last nite
it was pure boredome
glad i had my book
n im done readin nearly 600 pages of it this mrn!
wat an achievement!

n the book is really really gd
eventhough they described the entire details of a good and passionate sex!
haha
but it was really gd
i can go on tellin bout the book.. like wat happened from one chapter to another over here
i noe its crazy.. haha
but its really gd

n i wan to confess something:
I DONT BELIVE IN LOVE ANYMORE
and
I DONT BELIVE IN MR RIGHT ANYMORE
=D

so yea.. i only believe in myself n tats all
n wateva shit that the main actor went tru in the book i read, its nearly equivalent on wat the shit i went tru.. is just tat her partner died, n mine still alive, but we broke off
haha

so tmr is attachment.. *gloomy face*
n its afternoon shift
waa i will b home like around ten plus in the nite.. damn
so i wil b in KK for two weeks then back to TTSH for the next two weeks
n i kind of plan my study timings
=D
so hopin i wil produce fantastic grades
n i hav to do better than the "bastard of the bitch" or better knowns as 'ericko'
=)
oh boy, im dyin to do well in exams
muahahaha

so right now, tryin to get a pouch to put my stationaries
i had enuf wif all those pen ink stainin my uni
so now must b professional
im in year 2 afterall!!

ok then i shall update again later
toodles

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perspective 4:40 PM

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Friday, July 11, 2008
=)


today started my day by havin my final group meetin for the sem at 9
had our final presentation at ten n we really hitted it off well
=D
so i hope the final grade for psycho module is B?

so sch ended at 11, jas, mai n myself went over to sch lib n borrowed bks on pharmaco n mai borrowed something additional to it which is swimmin book =)
shes really entusiastic towards swimmin n tats really gd.. keep it up mai!

so left sch approximately at 11.45pm
headed towards plaza singapura for TIMES
walked round the bookstore, n finally got myself 3 books
genre: relationships, feminine
its my first time actually to get myself such books
n honestly, after my break up wif ericko
im very depressed
but i masked it wif my smiles
n the current bk im readin now tat i bought earlier on
resembles my current life after a break up
so left the mall at around 1.30pm
boarded the train n immediately started to read the bk
n actually i went to gift wrapped one of the books tat i bought!
haha ok its lame la.. coz its for myself afterall
n y the hell i shd gift wrapped it?
coz its free =D
so back to my genre of bks.. i used to read self motivation bks like "how to speak well in public" n also bks on sexual abuse like "the little prisoner"
n im surprised tat bks on relationships arouse more interest for me this time round

so trained down to raffles place, read the first bk "anyone out there"
its really captivating
then trained back down to tanah merah
supposedly to accompany jas for swimmin, but then im super hyper photosensitivity especially wen the senior consultant increase my consumption of isotrenion to 3 in the mrn
my lips gettin really dry n application of vaseline increases

got home round 2pm
very hooked up wif the book
its superly interesting
then dozed off around 4, woke up nearly 7
read the book again
jogged wif mum n her hommie
i really pespired alot
n i really jogged! =D

then sudden tots of hatred towards ericko n my momentum n speed of jog increases
afterwhich the tots died down

then mummy asked bout sch
i told her im super stress out n how i am dyin to get fantastic grades for this sem
mummy's predictable line "ayang(tats wat everyone in my family calls me", i noe u will do well. don stress urself out".

so ya i hav to do well somehow here n there

right now pretty hooked to the bk
=S

n two more days to one month of hell in attachment
=S

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perspective 10:17 PM

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Thursday, July 10, 2008
rainy day


yesterday sch started at 10 wif psycho semestral exam
like shit la the paper.. im just aiming to get overall grade of C
but i hope it will b better
coz my plan for this sem to get GPA above 3.1
but its damn tough la
i donno if i can do it also
i wan to set realistic goals
i don wish to get myself hurt by not achieving it
haiz.. im just so worry tat im unable to do well
=(
had project meetin. ended off round 3 sumtin
jas n i went down to PS n got myself a dress tat i always wanted to get
jas got her yoghurt drink n we walked round PS
not forgettin our pretzels
n im dyin to get books to read from times
left around 6.. suppose to meet up wif sheena, but was really tired

today started off by meetin sheena over at her place n watched 2008 IFFA awards
left at around 12.45
wore my new dress!! =D
only went for pharmaco tut at 2
left quickly around 3
went to check sarniyah's bio result n return back health psycho bk to the lib
rushed my way to mrt, n reached the hospital at around 4.15 when my appointment is at 3.45
HEHE
so met my flawless skin senior consultant
so happy to see him
he increased my current consumption of the tablets to 3 in the mrn
so u guys will see me applyin lip balm almost every 5 mins!!

after tat, went to settle some bank issues
bank + sha = gd frens
hahaha!!

afterwhich met my darlin haribaa sheena gill again!!!!
so happy la we all
had subway for breakfast, lunch n dinner
then went to kepo kepo at tampines mall n century square
wanted to get my story book, but the times outlet at tampines mall dint hav the copy anymore
was really sad at the point of time
but then, i hav the whole day tmr to get my books
HAHA
=)

so after walkin around, we really felt like shitting
so took the train back
n it started to rain heavily
thank god i had my umbrella wif me
gilly n i squeezed while talkin
it was really a memorable moment for me
though it was rainin so heavily, sheena actually sent me all the way to the bridge
she noes im scared to walk at her area after 7, but yet she still volunteer to send me
oh sheena, i will nvr forget tat moment
sometimes, a boyfriend is really not worth my time
a bestfriend is worth all the time

i wish my frenship wif sheena will last till our last breath
thanks sheena for being there for me all the time
i really appreciate it
n i hope tat im always there for u

i hav 2 gd frens for now
sheena n suhana
n i wan my frenship to b the wonderful one ever

n im not gettin myself involve in BGR for the time being

so ya, im just feelin so stress bout sch exams
gdnesss!!

toodles

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perspective 8:51 PM

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Tuesday, July 8, 2008
oh my god!!


i dint realise that the font in my blog is so huge!!
i have been usin mac all the while!!
my goodness.. in mac, it was all so small
n now wen my pc is back to normal, i dint realise its like super huge!!

i gotta do sumtin bout it big time!!

ok so today started off by havin lessons at 2
i left home round 12
was really bored
then went to dhoby ghaut, settle some bank issues
walked around n tried outfitter girls dresses
hav yet to decide which is best for myself
afterwhich, headed down to sch

so sch was as normal
the group dint talk much to me
damn, is it like my fault or wat
****#$$%$####
but wateva the case, its only left wif 3 days of these kind of communication
then out for attachment the whole month
so somehow abit relieved
i just dont fancy some pple

so sch ended at 5
headed to lib wif lah hay to actaully borrow med-surg book
don hav enuf cash to actually get it for now
n my hp bill is 25 bucks!!
waa damn happy!! if i can mantain this for the upcomin months, i hav more than enuf cash to pamper myself!!
so met up wif my dear suhana
=) super duper happy to see her
told her wateva happened in sch n life
im so glad i hav her!!
hana shd b in my sch, in my course n in my class!!
hahaha
so we played her psp all the way to tampines
then we decided to hav dinner at subway
health conscious la!
so hana was tellin me bout her sch modules n the sudden change of sch rules
waaa macam too much la her sch.. say only tertiary but the rules like meant for sec sch
after all those catchin up, headed back home
took 10, blasted my ipod n was happily readin my pyscho for tmr's paper
N I MISS U SUHANA ALI!!!

so decided to actually relax first before drillin into my brain those necessary theories
=)
i enjoyed my day
thanks suhana for makin my day a brighter one!

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perspective 8:50 PM

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Monday, July 7, 2008
cool day out


today, things started out wif the members abit weird in the mrn
we had medical socio presentation
even the lecturer asked how come like theres no sound from our group coz we r always so noisy.. haha

i got praised by ms wee on being such a gd speaker! haha
super touched n proud!!

afterwhich had bio lec, all the final exam consolidation
same goes for pharmaco
so my revision hav been on the right track all the while
hopin to score A for bio n perhaps a B for pharmaco
but wateva the case, GPA must b gd.. hahaha

then went for break
dint talk much to the rest except mai n jas
left halfway n met hafiz
helped him to breeze tru his nursin prac
n he passed!!
so partially thanks to me.. haha

wen break was over, it was TYT lec
we skipped the lec n went to eplaza to complete our last project for the sem
so ya, somehow communication wif the group was way better
i started askin bout HP stuffs wif benji, n ya finally hes talkin somehow properly to me
felt much better compared to the earlier on in the day

so the day ended off wif an hour of nursin lab on lumbar puncture as well as the feedback evaluation system

tentatively, we left sch around 5 sumting
i decided to meet up wif my dear sheena
shes down wif all those after-break issue
i really feel for her
but then again, she feels the hurt big time
i got no comments bout mel
hes just heartless n *******

surprisingly, parman joined us!!
so it was damn happenin despite the fact sheena n i gotta wait for him approximately for half and hour!
he treated us for dinner
=) thanks parman!
we had a great time catchin up
i talked alot la.. cant help it..im talkative
but it was nice to see how each of us progressed eversince we left pri sch
parman is so handsome now
flawless skin all
then hes super superstitious la
he said "dont say like tat la, wait i no more handsome" hahaha!!
but wateva the case, hes a nice man la
he n hes gf like for 5 years already!!
if i wanna find a man, im gonna find someone like him
patient, loyal, honest

then we left round 9 sumting
walked from simpang back to home
parman took a bus back from tanah merah mrt
sheena took the shorter route home
n im left wif no choice but to take the longer route home
coz if i were to take sheena's route, theres no freakin lights down the road
n im afraid if anything unforseen may happen
so took the long route, n walked macam as if i go for walkathon
hahaha!!

reached home round nearly ten
went for a quick wash up
texted sheena to check on her
n also jas, wonderin wats she doin
n also akbar.. coz he texted me earlier on but i dint reply coz my bat died on me

so now busy on msn
not many pple online
hana plan to meet up wif me tmr
she dyin to see me la!!
n im dyin to see her face also!!
=) i miss her soooo much
this week is my last freakin week to sch n then off to attachment for the whole freakin month!!
my social life is so gonna b super disrupted
but my plans for this month: to celebrate sheena's bifdae at clarke quay
meet up wif suhana
meet up wif jas on the weekends as our timing for
attachment sucks big time!!
so these r the current plans i have
perhaps i might get myself a new phone for below 200
some cute,small sony ericsson phone
do my hair? mayb go marsiling there n dye my hair dark brown
so tats wat im gonna do wif my this month money
dad said my bill only 30 plus!!
waa super happy!!

ok la shall stop now
but i enjoyed my day big time la wif sheena n parman!
i love them!!

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perspective 10:12 PM

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Sunday, July 6, 2008
the day


woke up round 10 plus
dazed around.. then went for a shower
was desperately tryin to get tru jas, n she finally called me
dyin to hear her voice
tot sumtin happened to her but luckily shes alrite
talked bout benji n the whole gang issue
damn it, last nite i waited the whole day for benji to talked over the phone n then he said he forgot.. wow i got really pissed but for the sake of the group, i dint say much

i gave in so much to him n yet hes like worse than a ******
so im like so lazy to persuade him n things. hes a grown up. plz think rational

talked to akbar last nite for nearly 3 hrs or so
waaa i just cried wen he asked bout things
somehow, i felt he really change for the better
he sounded really concerned towards me. thanks akbar. i really appreciate tat alot
so ya, as i expected he used objective views n negative reinforcement to move on n forget bout ericko big time
suddenly he popped out the ques: wat if me n him r back?
i just kept quiet, n i talked bout other topic
coz rite now, im not prepared to b involve in a relationship
i just wan to widen my network of frens

so today met my poor cousin shafiq at around 1
waaa he made me waited for him la
at the end, he treated me kfc.. thanks cuzzie!!
so we catch up wif each other lives.. hahaha
one thing i gotta say, the gene is there
we r so vulgar, yet phrase it intellectually n professionally n long live indians!
hahaha
so hanged around at starbucks after KFC
both of us really hav lots of things in common
n it was really funny la
we were super sarcastic.. pple might think we r some lovebirds coz we were really close la, coz kept whackin each other! hahaha

but it was really nice to tell things to him coz the respond i get is wat i wanna hear
so after i did my revision on antibiotics n shafiq was really dumbfounded on how i actually screamed out loud to just get those facts in my brain. haha
next to us, was a man n a lady, talkin bout their work.. my goodness, the man talked really loud, that shafiq n i hav to actually compete wif him in order to hav a proper conversation

after my memorizin the facts on antibiotics, we went to window shopped
the royal sports house was havin sales n the swimming costumes were really affordable.
so this msg is for JASMINE LIM HUI EN, speedo is like having 50 percent sale of the suits
so ya shafiq n hes horny mindset towards the kind of suits i shd get. all those tat only covers my intimate regions. stupid boy. only 16 years!!

nowdays, younger kids r so exposed to the westernized culture that their mindsets at times r really scary especially on sexual shits! hahaha

so we walked n roamed the entire tampines mall n century square
left around 6.15 n went to meet ericko at pasir ris
waa my heart actually beat very fast. really nervous to meet him
went to the toilet so many times to look really really gd!
so he came wif his bestie
waa its been so long since i last saw him.
he looks like crap wif his hairstyle. hahaha
so passed him the cash n he started the conversation like hows life n he said i lost weight n if i hav enough cash to sustain myself for the whole month
i just gave a sad smile
then hes bestie came, all the introdution
then my usual response "hi, nice meeting u"
so then, i really donno wat to say
just went speechless right infront of him
so i said i think i better make a move, then walked off..

anyway it was nice to see him again
but then i remembered wat akbar said
"sha, always think of the worse, not the better"
so yup, that phrase was drilled right into my brain n heart, took the train back to tanah merah n walked home
blasted my ipod wif fall out boy songs
felt like dancing wen i was walking
hahaha!
for a moment, i felt so carefree!
just a moment la
then got home, my PC is like finally fixed
my bro actually downloaded lime wire for me
thanks bro!!

so now gotta wait wen im able to use the PC permanently
anyway i shd thank iskandar for actually putting songs into my ipod
i can actually die out of the same old songs

right now, just chatting over msn
gonna shower soon
n patiently wait for the damn slides from benji
i hate the fact wen fara call n ask me for the slides
like "hello, u noe tat benji is like not even talkin to me, how the hell will i noe wen hes gonna like give out the slides"
only so concern bout the slides but not the issue bout me n benji
really pissed wif fara, but i really got nth to say la
its so expected of her reaction
so much for her cryin over the phone to benji
tears don work la seh
i donno y im like so against her n madinah now
they r like somehow pissing my ass la
they think they r like "its sumtin small n i can get over it"
see one small insect at the dome there, talked so much
waaa sometimes i really feel like doin something to them la!!
but then again like wat jas said, "don la sha"
hahaha
somehow, jas n mai r really the pple better off to talk things too la
fara macam jealous like tat just coz i nvr talk to her much
i don give a damn to pple like tat la
only concern bout themselves n the grades despite the fact knowin certain issues
FUCK IT
ok its abit too vulgar, but i cant help it
wen need help wif sch work, waaa will b damn nice la seh
then wen concernin other issues, respond will be"its sumtin minor, its ok"
n more concern bout the sch grading
grrrrrrr!!

so ok ultimate plan now is to actually wait for the freakin slides
n my dad is like readin wateva im typing
HAHAHA

ok he noes bout the existence of facebook all la seh
happenin la my dad
n hes the best man of my life
i love u dad!

toodles

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perspective 7:48 PM

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Saturday, July 5, 2008
love


things concernin benji n the group members hav yet to be resolved
i hope the results will b pleasant

haiz right now, suddenly, thoughts bout ericko just came to my mind
n sudden reaction is depressed
LOVE- a 4 letter word tat is so hard to comprehend
sometimes i really wish i nvr noe wats a relationship n live life to the fullest
i shd learn these kind of tricks from hana
im so happy to see how shes enjoyin life wif sch n frens
i wan to b tat way too.. n i really wan it to that way soon

sheena n i r in the same kind of dilemma towards relationship
how we wished we can go out in the nite, stay by the river n cried out our sorrows
n then out of the solemn moment, sheena said sumtin really eye tearin for the moment
tat she wanted to b lesbian wif me! haha
oh sheena, we understand each too much n i think we shd consider being lesbians
haha
tats honestly crazy. we still love boys. but boys in relationship sucks
n sheena's personal msg over msn is really true: love begins wif a smile, grows with a kiss and ends wif a teardrop
tats really so true.. but its not only a teardrop, its like a gallon on tears

n right now, how i wish i hav a passionate bf
someone i can turn to when i hav problems
n shower me wif endless love n i will shower him wif my endless love too
past relationship r lessons learnt
n if i were to get involve again, i will make sure, i will repeat none of it
i wan it to b the magical part of my life
the love, romance, passion n committment
n i hav decided to take up courses to make me busy n fully utilised the cash i have
so november will b swimmin classes n august perhaps dancing classes
attachment will b makin me real worn out for sure
so gotta careful plan my study timings
i need to do well
get my gpa above 3.1?
my bro was telling me "dont blame others, blame urself"
so ya i really gonna pushed myself somewhere to the extend all the info is drilled in my approximately 1.4kg brain.

oh well, life has rotated its meanin around me now
its no longer pleasant, bed of roses
its more like "i wanna go n die than rather goin on"
damn, y must it b this way for me
im feelin so stress, facin the cronicles of life alone..
y me
im so clueless bout how things r goin
at times, i feel like endin off my life by stabbin directly into my small, pumping heart
but i realised, i hav my family, especially my parents tat brought me to the world
i cant do tat just for myself, i cant be selfish
so right now, i rather spend more time at home, though the boredome can really kills n how much my mum n grandma can irritate me, home is still the love tat i can get

im very worried bout my physical appearance
like "am i preety? y i hav so many pimples? y cant i b like those models?"
n the list goes on
im starting to doubt my capabilities
tats not me, its not me
but i donno wat went into me n i start behavin in such a way
"do i hav a nice figure? do boys like me?"
oh gosh, its crazy but its true

akbar n i started to talk alot lately
but most of the time im not interested to listen to wat he says
at the end of the conversation, we argued
but somehow, i felt hes sincere in helpin me to move on over ericko
it really touches me wen he said he still cares bout me
n u noe when someone its at wits end, u will hav the tendency to talk to pple tat you always argue wif
surprisingly, i always wan to talk to akbar now n hes always there somehow to actually entertain me even though its honest or sarcasm
n right now, i really wish to talk to him n hear all hes "comforting words"
hes very objective in hes conversations but he always forgot tat i hav feelings
but then again, im glad he actually still talk to me
we dint meet up for ages eversince hes last bifdae if im not wrong
i wonder how is he now
as in the looks.. haha.. hes such a small fella, but then again, looks don really matter, its the character.. afterall, he got the brains
i prefer havin a partner hu is of a certain intellectual level. its not to match my standards, but somehow, i can learn from it by havin intelligent conversations n can improve my general knowledge

hmmm.. so wat now?
im goin to get back to him? i don think so la
but then i myself donno
yet again, i wan to expand my circle of guy frens
hu noes, i meet one wondeful man n things start to get better
i dono wat the future holds for me
but the challenges im facin in life rite now is abit too much for a soon to be 18 years old

oh my, wen will things start to get better or at least change abit for the better?
wateva the case, i must learn to adapt n accept
i miss the days wen im so carefree, no life changin events to experience
i wan tat kind of day to come back!!

right now, waitin for akbar to call me.. haha
todays conversation will b on life
hes dyin to noe more bout my life la
tmr meetin ericko to pass him the cash then most prob meetin my cousin, shafiq hu is like down wif endless probs
so while talkin to my poor cousin, i will b doin some readin up on sch materials

so as for now, im dyin to talk to benji n settle things off in a proper way
n at the same time to talk to akbar, coz i need to pour out all my sorrows n i like to hear the repsond he will give me like "sha, gd boys dont last. sha, stop this shit n get urself moving. sha, think objectively."
haha its so predictable n very hurting, but i like to hear them at times
sometimes akbar makes a gd person to actually perk ur life coz he will use negative reinforcement.. initally it hurts, but as time passed theres a reason y he do it such a way.
He belives tat negative reinforcement made an impact.
n i think its true

toodles

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perspective 10:15 PM

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Friday, July 4, 2008
hatred


today is a hatred day for me
n body plus face issue..
need to lose weight n look gd

theres sumtin i wanna say bout myself
i can always forgive, but wen i hate u, i will always hate u
hate is a strong word
but i believe only strong words will create an impact

so no disturbance to my current attachment scheldude. yay
n i can live by my own.

ta daaa

i hate you

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perspective 10:05 PM

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Shahirah Moshien
23rd Septemeber 1990
Nursing Student


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